Letter to the men I have LOVED!

Hey beautiful people!

Remember me? … Crazy Congolese girl with big dreams. I haven’t changed much, same height, same style. We have had a rocky history, haven’t we? We have hurt each other like wreckless animals. Even though you have hurt me more, I recognize that I am not perfect. I extend this letter to you as we move on with our lives!

The updates…
As you would all say “You are so stubborn”, that hasn’t changed one bit. I am still a firm believer in living a life of “I did” instead of “I wish I did”. For those who sometimes called me a “rebel”, I am a religious rebel now and I moved back to where my soul feels more alive and I intend to stay. We all knew I would at some point. How strange right?

The love…
As much as  I would like to say that ” I loved you”, I am sorry. I was too young and immature to understand what love is. Too innocent to define love for myself. I remember the days you would look at me and say “You are so innocent”, and I would get upset by your statement instead of understanding that what you meant was “you are so stupid”. Yes, I was stupid, like a toddler excited to touch fire. Stupid like rosa-parks refusing to give up her seat, stupid like a teen who thinks that ” Come here, I will not beat you” means what it says. But that is me, I am a stupid lover. I am a risk taker and a believer that there is “good” in everybody. I did not love you, I am sorry, I accepted you.

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The regrets…
They say you should have no regrets …. true… but what is life without the bad to balance the good? You can regret as long as you don’t use the past to cloud your judgment. I regret not being willing to “listen” when you asked me to, I regret us thinking that we knew it all while we had no clue what “love” is. I regret skipping school for you. I regret being too generous financially. I regret buying that first bleaching cream because I thought that was “love”. I regret letting you in… to wreck me.

The rebound…
I am glad that you wrecked me. I am not just mind-stubborn… we know… stubborn is my first name. You had to break me so that I could make me. So that I could define love for myself… so that I could love me before I love anyone else. It took you to make me understand that I am “whole” with or without you. I just hope that despite the negative, I positively impacted you in one way or another. I don’t pray for you, but I wish you true and fulfilled “Happiness”.

Kisses,

Xx

Love

Phonsina

 

Previous “Lifestyle” article: The truth about online dating

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